Wednesday, December 28, 2005
The Klutz Chronicles
I've never thought of myself as klutzy or ungraceful, I took eight years of ballet for goodness sake. But I am definitely being challenged as of late.
Scenario #1:
Picture it...me at the gym on a quad extension machine. I finished my reps and as I was getting up either my foot got caught on the lower bar or my pants leg got hung on the end because I went down face first. You know that feeling of slow motion? Where you know you're falling, you think you can catch yourself, you realize you can't, and then you hit the ground? Yeah, that's exactly what transpired. I'm sure it was quite a hilarious sight, and even though the area was pretty populated, no one laughed TOO loudly.
Scenario #2:
I hadn't been out with some of my girlfriends in a long time so we got together for a girls night. One of my friends was a little down, what with the holidays looming so I sat keeping her company while the others headed to the dance floor. Nik & Mo kept trying to get us to join them so I finally got Mel to go out there. Well, I decided to be a big ham and head out there like a buck out of a pen. And it was apparently pretty funny for the first minute or so. I wasn't drunk...at least I didn't think I was. I'd only had like two and a half beers. I also hadn't had dinner. I think you can see where this is going. I felt the same slow motion scenario with the same results...only this time, Mo broke my fall and we toppled to the ground. Needless to say, I promptly sat right back down.
Scenario #3:
As some of you know, my sister has been having some pregnancy complications so I have been staying with her family to try and help out in whatever way she needs. Well, the day after Christmas, I had just gotten out of the shower and headed to the kitchen to find that my bro-in-law served some homemade soup for lunch. He stuck some in the microwave for me, then went about his merry way. I was chatting with my sister when I realized that the soup had been heating for an awfully long time...like three or four minutes. Sidenote: my mom had gotten me one of those old lady velour suits for Christmas...yeah, laugh all you want, but that shit is comfy! So, I tried to get the bowl out, WITH a pot holder, but it was so hot that I had to throw it down really fast, consequently scalding my hand, getting it all over the microwave, the floor, and my new velour granny suit that I'd been wearing for less than ten minutes.
Scenario #4:
Basically, while trying to straighten up some of the post Christmas mayhem, I stepped over my niece's little oak rocker and as with the same token in scenarios 1 & 2, I plummeted to the ground. At this point I just rolled over on my back, laughing hysterically...as that's all you can do when you bust it right in front of your family, and yelled, "I GIVE UP!"
Yes, all of this was in a span of about 4 or 5 days. I'm telling you, my legs look like I need to be checked into a battered women's shelter.
I'm reminded of my beloved Bridget: "Suddenly feel like a screen goddess in manor of Grace Kelly, only slightly less graceful under pressure..."
Currently listening to: Arriving - Chris Tomlin
Scenario #1:
Picture it...me at the gym on a quad extension machine. I finished my reps and as I was getting up either my foot got caught on the lower bar or my pants leg got hung on the end because I went down face first. You know that feeling of slow motion? Where you know you're falling, you think you can catch yourself, you realize you can't, and then you hit the ground? Yeah, that's exactly what transpired. I'm sure it was quite a hilarious sight, and even though the area was pretty populated, no one laughed TOO loudly.
Scenario #2:
I hadn't been out with some of my girlfriends in a long time so we got together for a girls night. One of my friends was a little down, what with the holidays looming so I sat keeping her company while the others headed to the dance floor. Nik & Mo kept trying to get us to join them so I finally got Mel to go out there. Well, I decided to be a big ham and head out there like a buck out of a pen. And it was apparently pretty funny for the first minute or so. I wasn't drunk...at least I didn't think I was. I'd only had like two and a half beers. I also hadn't had dinner. I think you can see where this is going. I felt the same slow motion scenario with the same results...only this time, Mo broke my fall and we toppled to the ground. Needless to say, I promptly sat right back down.
Scenario #3:
As some of you know, my sister has been having some pregnancy complications so I have been staying with her family to try and help out in whatever way she needs. Well, the day after Christmas, I had just gotten out of the shower and headed to the kitchen to find that my bro-in-law served some homemade soup for lunch. He stuck some in the microwave for me, then went about his merry way. I was chatting with my sister when I realized that the soup had been heating for an awfully long time...like three or four minutes. Sidenote: my mom had gotten me one of those old lady velour suits for Christmas...yeah, laugh all you want, but that shit is comfy! So, I tried to get the bowl out, WITH a pot holder, but it was so hot that I had to throw it down really fast, consequently scalding my hand, getting it all over the microwave, the floor, and my new velour granny suit that I'd been wearing for less than ten minutes.
Scenario #4:
Basically, while trying to straighten up some of the post Christmas mayhem, I stepped over my niece's little oak rocker and as with the same token in scenarios 1 & 2, I plummeted to the ground. At this point I just rolled over on my back, laughing hysterically...as that's all you can do when you bust it right in front of your family, and yelled, "I GIVE UP!"
Yes, all of this was in a span of about 4 or 5 days. I'm telling you, my legs look like I need to be checked into a battered women's shelter.
I'm reminded of my beloved Bridget: "Suddenly feel like a screen goddess in manor of Grace Kelly, only slightly less graceful under pressure..."
Currently listening to: Arriving - Chris Tomlin
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
For the Love...
Talk about a Cinderella story turned ugly...what is the deal with Johnny Damon? I don't really know the concept of money being no object, other than it would be hella nice, but once a person reaches that point, is there really a difference between a shitload of money (which he was already making) and a hell of a shitload (which is apparently 52 million)? I guess it wouldn't be so bad if he was going to any other team...but the Yankees?? I mean c'mon. All I know is he'd better wear some protective gear when they play at Fenway, for the sake of his safety.
Now. Would somebody please inform Starr Jones that it's the middle of winter?!? She's lost a lot of weight, I get it. She looks great, I get it. She's proud, I don't blame her. But there's a Christmas wreath and garland lining the set behind you and you're in a SUNDRESS and SANDALS. Get some low cut form fitting sweaters or something, but leave the summer clothes in the summer closet.
Lastly. Anyone else wanna give up for the new Vonage commercials with me? (I guess you can tell I've been off work for a couple of days and able to watch some television, huh?) I mean they are stinking hilarious. For those who aren't able to recall them, I'll describe my two favorites. Both have the semi-boring and stiff spokesman doing his blurb about the service but it's the action going on behind him that is priceless. In one, a guy in a huge lobster costume is handing out flyers on the street and somehow ends up getting stuck in a revolving door. In the other, there is a man and a woman gardening but they're naked and have the appropriate areas blacked out. I'm laughing just thinking about it! Oh my side.
Currently listening to: New Millennium Blues Party - Various Artists (SOMEBODY got me in a bluesy mood...)
Now. Would somebody please inform Starr Jones that it's the middle of winter?!? She's lost a lot of weight, I get it. She looks great, I get it. She's proud, I don't blame her. But there's a Christmas wreath and garland lining the set behind you and you're in a SUNDRESS and SANDALS. Get some low cut form fitting sweaters or something, but leave the summer clothes in the summer closet.
Lastly. Anyone else wanna give up for the new Vonage commercials with me? (I guess you can tell I've been off work for a couple of days and able to watch some television, huh?) I mean they are stinking hilarious. For those who aren't able to recall them, I'll describe my two favorites. Both have the semi-boring and stiff spokesman doing his blurb about the service but it's the action going on behind him that is priceless. In one, a guy in a huge lobster costume is handing out flyers on the street and somehow ends up getting stuck in a revolving door. In the other, there is a man and a woman gardening but they're naked and have the appropriate areas blacked out. I'm laughing just thinking about it! Oh my side.
Currently listening to: New Millennium Blues Party - Various Artists (SOMEBODY got me in a bluesy mood...)
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
'Tis the Season
This always happens to me, without fail. Whenever I walk into the local greeting card store the sudden urgent need to visit the closest restroom hits me instantly. And so badly that I lose all sense of concentration. Seriously. I'll get back to this thought in a moment.
I love to send cards. I love the unexpected surprise of getting something special in the mail, it's an instant smile maker. My hope is that others get the same pleasure as I do out of knowing someone thought about them and made such a simple yet special gesture.
I also adore wrapping gifts. No giftbags for me...just give me rolls of patterned and solid colored wrapping paper, assorted ribbons and bows, and every size and shape of box imaginable. It's puts me right in my element.
I read an article about being the perfect gift giver once, and though it can be quite a lofty goal, I strive to achieve that it every gift situation. Whenever someone is directly asked, "What do you want for Christmas?" or "What do you want for your birthday?" the inevitable answer is, "I dunno." I know that's usually my response. It's hard to think when put on the spot. So for this reason I try to pay attention, listen, and remember conversations when I'm with friends and family. I often get gift ideas that way. I'm not opposed to giving money or giftcards if that is what is needed or wanted though. For instance, my cousin is dying for some sort of marine GPS thingy for his fishing boat so for Christmas he has requested Bass Pro Shop giftcards only.
All of these things, the perfect gift, eloquent presentation, and an appropriate card, go hand in hand. I'll admit that in addition to doing something nice and meaningful for those you love, there is also an element of selfishness involved. If you think that I secretly smile to myself when someone says, "You've done a beautiful wrapping job as always!" (especially the "as always" part) when seeing a gift from me, or "You remembered!" when opening a gift, or "That is perfect!" when reading the attached card...you're absolutely right. Pleasing other people is innately pleasing...as long as it's appreciated. I don't ultimately do it for myself, I've just had so many people in my life show me such thoughtfulness and kindness that I want to return it or pass it along as well.
All of that blather being said, you can imagine what a predicament the opening situation puts me in! I'm not a fan of sing songy rhythmic cards so that makes the perfect gift giving scenario a little harder since that is the majority of cards out there. There I am, standing in the aisle, legs crossed, trying not to do the pee-pee dance, and trying to find the not so over the top, humorous, not too cheesy, special card. And to add to the pain, I usually have more than one occasion or person to buy for so I'm having to pick out multiple cards in one setting. I've tried to fix this dilemma in the past but even if I deal with the matter before I head out to buy the cards, the urge never fails to show up.
Oh and to answer your question, there is no public restroom anywhere near the card shop. I've started going to Books-A-Million for this very reason but they just don't have as good of a selection. But don't think a little bladder issue is going to stop me, I will prevail!
I now leave you with some photos of me hangin' out in Paris...figuratively and literally!
Currently listening to: All That I Am - Santana
I love to send cards. I love the unexpected surprise of getting something special in the mail, it's an instant smile maker. My hope is that others get the same pleasure as I do out of knowing someone thought about them and made such a simple yet special gesture.
I also adore wrapping gifts. No giftbags for me...just give me rolls of patterned and solid colored wrapping paper, assorted ribbons and bows, and every size and shape of box imaginable. It's puts me right in my element.
I read an article about being the perfect gift giver once, and though it can be quite a lofty goal, I strive to achieve that it every gift situation. Whenever someone is directly asked, "What do you want for Christmas?" or "What do you want for your birthday?" the inevitable answer is, "I dunno." I know that's usually my response. It's hard to think when put on the spot. So for this reason I try to pay attention, listen, and remember conversations when I'm with friends and family. I often get gift ideas that way. I'm not opposed to giving money or giftcards if that is what is needed or wanted though. For instance, my cousin is dying for some sort of marine GPS thingy for his fishing boat so for Christmas he has requested Bass Pro Shop giftcards only.
All of these things, the perfect gift, eloquent presentation, and an appropriate card, go hand in hand. I'll admit that in addition to doing something nice and meaningful for those you love, there is also an element of selfishness involved. If you think that I secretly smile to myself when someone says, "You've done a beautiful wrapping job as always!" (especially the "as always" part) when seeing a gift from me, or "You remembered!" when opening a gift, or "That is perfect!" when reading the attached card...you're absolutely right. Pleasing other people is innately pleasing...as long as it's appreciated. I don't ultimately do it for myself, I've just had so many people in my life show me such thoughtfulness and kindness that I want to return it or pass it along as well.
All of that blather being said, you can imagine what a predicament the opening situation puts me in! I'm not a fan of sing songy rhythmic cards so that makes the perfect gift giving scenario a little harder since that is the majority of cards out there. There I am, standing in the aisle, legs crossed, trying not to do the pee-pee dance, and trying to find the not so over the top, humorous, not too cheesy, special card. And to add to the pain, I usually have more than one occasion or person to buy for so I'm having to pick out multiple cards in one setting. I've tried to fix this dilemma in the past but even if I deal with the matter before I head out to buy the cards, the urge never fails to show up.
Oh and to answer your question, there is no public restroom anywhere near the card shop. I've started going to Books-A-Million for this very reason but they just don't have as good of a selection. But don't think a little bladder issue is going to stop me, I will prevail!
I now leave you with some photos of me hangin' out in Paris...figuratively and literally!
Currently listening to: All That I Am - Santana
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